The key to feeling attractive -

The key to feeling attractive

In a world, where so much emphasis is placed on the external looks, where women are told they need to look a certain way, be of a certain height and body shape or skin colour to be considered beautiful and attractive, it is only natural that so many of us want to protect ourselves from judgments and scrutiny. It can be so scary to put ourselves out there, show our true colours 0r claim our right to feel beautiful.

This subject comes up time and again in my conversations with women. Just recently a friend shared that despite other people telling her she is attractive, she does not feel that way and finds it easier to hide.

Being attractive is important not only in our romantic relationships. I know from my own experience feeling attractive truly enhances the quality of our lives and interactions with others. Feeling attractive is feeling good about yourself.

So what is it that stops beautiful women from feeling attractive?

In my experience, it is many factors: from unrealistic media images of women to fear of rejection and many other things in between.

If there was one key to helping women to feel attractive, I would say it is a mindset shift that enables us to take responsibility for this feeling.

What do I mean by this?

Feeling attractive is a choice you have to make for yourself. It’s true to say the more attractive you feel, the more compliments and “confirmation” you will attract, but when you allow yourself to feel good no matter what, your self-perception won’t be dependant on other people.

Easier said than done! I know…

Here is a combination of mindset shifts, actions and tips that have worked for me and helped my clients to feel more attractive.

Of course, I still get moments when I don’t feel attractive, but I now know to look for answers on the inside and not from others.

  • Feeling attractive is not about changing your self but about being more of who you are. For me, the more I got to know and like the “real” me, the easier feeling attractive has become.
  • Re-define the concept of “making an effort”… Many assume looking and feeling attractive, just like eating well or living a healthy joyful lifestyle, requires a lot of hard work.

What if not giving ourselves time and opportunity to look and feel good is much harder than ignoring our appearance?

Isn’t it much easier to go about your daily life feeling great about yourself rather than being self-conscious and self-critical?

The world around you literally changes when you feel attractive as a woman.

  • What we wear just for ourselves or underneath our clothes is even more important than the outfits people get to see. Cultivate the feeling of attractiveness by choosing something that makes you feel great when nobody sees you.
    Luxury pyjamas by Nui Ami Photo Credit:

    Luxury pyjamas by Nui Ami Photo Credit:

Do you love your lingerie? Are you feeling great in your lounge and night wear?

If not, it may be time to explore what feels good to you in this area.

  • Feeling comfortable in your clothes and your body is vital. How often do we wear something uncomfortable to look good, forgetting that when we are not relaxed in out bodies it’s very difficult if not impossible to feel truly attractive while being uncomfortable?

We are often shown a very one-sided image of femininity in the media. A lot of the time it’s about perfection, make-up, high heels, body-tight clothes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these. But if this is not your version of feminine expression or you don’t feel comfortable in say, high heels or pencil skirts, then there are many other styles to play with.

Block heel is popular this season and a great option for those who don’t feel comfortable in stilettos. Photo Credit: Lanvin block heal from

  • Love your body the way it is and learn to dress it. Dressing as the woman who knows and loves her body is very attractive. Rather than trying to be someone you are not or hide under baggy clothes, get to know your body, and appreciate its every line and curve.

Look at yourself in the mirror. What is it that you love especially about your external beauty? What would you rather hide from the view of others?

For example, if you don’t like your middle part, choose something that skims over it. Not comfortable showing your legs? Choose knee-length dresses and skits.

What feels good to accentuate? Maybe it is your slim waist. Or your toned arms? Or your feminine neck?

It is this play of showing and hiding that creates a stylish look.

  • Focus on what feels good, not what others may think. Instead of dressing to impress, dress to express. This is much more fun.

When we dress purely for others, the pressure to get it right disconnects us from joy and our feminine essence.

Instead, embark on a journey of sensuality when getting dressed. Touch the fabrics, choose what feels good against your skin. What colours are attracting you? Maybe a pop of red? Maybe soft neutral? What scent compliments your outfit?


  • Allow it to be a fun process. Discovering what makes you feel good is so much fun. It is not about fixing you, it’s about falling in love with you. Be curious, be open, explore. Create a Pinterest boards, cut pictures out of magazines, go shopping to simply try things on without buying. Let yourself be inspired.
I love dots, they make me feel feminine, playful and that's when I feel attractive

I love dots, they make me feel feminine, playful and that’s when I feel attractive

Over To You.

Do you know what makes you feel attractive? Is it important for you to feel attractive every day?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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