Today, I went to a beautiful yoga class in a small village on Western coast in Mexico, where I am spending a few days before going to a retreat with an international and inspiring group of women. This was probably one of the most imperfect classes I have been to in a while – noises from the street, which includes everything from music to construction works nearby to food trucks with loudspeakers announcing what they have to sell today, were louder than the teacher, on top of that there were a couple of mosquitos in the room. And yet it was a deeply nourishing, restorative and beautiful experience despite being imperfect. In fact, it was one of the best practices I’ve had in a while. The best part is that I felt light, open, relaxed the whole day.
In class, I began to think about perfection as this was one of the things I felt I needed to let go of to feel fully present in my new surroundings. My trip here was smooth, but preparing for it was stressful. Things weren’t working out perfectly on more than one occasion. I was unable to fulfil any of my roles – that of a business owner, a partner in a relationship, a friend -perfectly and it was upsetting me. That dissatisfaction with myself was still present when I arrived in this idillic tropical part of the world.
I knew I had to give up the luxury of perfectionism when I chose to swap my corporate career for an entrepreneurial one. Done is better than perfect – was one of the first rules I needed to learn. I understand its significance now. If you work for yourself and you allow yourself to be distracted by perfectionism with nobody telling you what to do and when – nothing would ever get done!
And yet, perfectionism finds its way back into my life from time to time.
Naturally, after years of hearing it’s a good trait, it is hard to let go of it completely. I still remember the times when saying that you “strive for perfection” was something one would be advised to say during job interviews. It feels like a different lifetime now.
How do you feel about perfectionism? Do you think it is a good trait? Are you suffering from it but feel unable to let go?
Perfectionism does not serve you
Firstly, perfection does not exist. So pursuing something non-existing is frankly a waste of time.
Secondly, perfectionism takes your focus away from the bigger picture, it paralyses you when something needs to get done.
In my case, by focusing on the fact I did not pre-write and perfectly scheduled my blog post, did not prepare for the trip perfectly, did not reply to important emails and then was unable to do anything about this in a place with no internet, did not spend enough time with my partner, I was missing the bigger picture. And that is that I am in a gorgeous colourful town, in tropical paradise, feeling the sun on my skin, have a beach within 5 minute walk and I get to work on my business surrounded by women I admire – that I am living my dream.
Thirdly, perfectionism robs you of what could be a potentially amazing or benefitial experience. Seeing imperfection prevents you from truly enjoying and benefitting from what you are doing. I have witnessed so many people (myself included) choosing to not enjoy a yoga class, because it was too noisy, a book, which could be truly inspiring, because of a typo, a trip that could transform their life because things were not working out smoothly or a visit to Paris because there is too much rubbish on the streets.
So next time you find yourself dissatisfied with your own work or someone else’s work or even the circumstances, know that there is a choice. You can let the perfectionism block you, keep you stuck, prevent you from enjoying or you can let go and see what happens.
Let me be clear, by inviting you to let go of perfectionism, I am not saying you should not have any standards and tolerate everything. No, standards are very important, but they are not the same as seeking perfection.
How can you tell the difference between having a certain standard and going into perfectionism?
1. Choosing to do something in accordance with your standards feels empowering, because you are making a self-honouring choice. Perfectionism typically makes you feel contractive, small, frustrated.
2. Having a certain standard for yourself enables you to feel like you have a choice – you can choose to say no to something because it is not up to your standard or you can choose to go ahead with that experience anyway. Perfectionism, on the other hand, feels like you are a victim, like you don’t have a choice.
On my journey, letting go of perfectionism and choosing to be open to what is possible for me, was transformational. In fact, this one shift changed the way I approach life and work.
These are the tools that helped me to let go of perfectionist in me
Learn to recognise perfectionism: are you placing unrealistic standards on yourself and others? Are these helpful? Do you feel paralyzed or stuck?
Perfectionism typically comes with conditions. For example, I can enjoy this trip only if … I will finally be satisfied when I produce better quality work… I will take a holiday and take time for myself when I have finally achieved… I will enjoy my life when I make more money or have more time or …
The conditions around you may not be perfect, but you can still choose to feel joy and pleasure. You may not be perfectly successful yet (or ever) but you can choose to feel that you are. Your piece of work may have some flaws in it (as everything does) but you can choose to feel good about it, proud even.
And a final thought: you don’t need to be perfect to live the life of your dreams and receive your desires.
I would love to hear from you.
How do you feel about perfectionism? Are you able to move past it or do you let it block you? In what area of your life will you choose to let go of perfectionism?
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