How to show yourself love with the help of your style

I have a confession to make. I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day in a traditional sense. And no, not because I am bitterly single or don’t believe in love. I am happily married (not that it matters because you can celebrate love whatever your relationship status!) and a great believer in love, but I believe love is so important it deserves our dedicated attention every single day, not just one day a year.

Loving always begins with oneself. I am sure you will agree that only when you can love yourself can you truly give and receive love to and from others. Seeing all posts about Valentine’s Day for the past few days made me think: how can we as women show more love to ourselves on a daily basis? There are so many ways: buying yourself flowers, taking time for a hot bath during a busy week, eating nurturing food… And then there is your wardrobe and your style. Yes, your style can be a great way to express self-love or it can be a way to self-reject and self-criticise. You get to choose.

I invite you to use your style as one of the many practices to show yourself love and here are ways to do this on a daily, weekly, monthly basis.

1.Wear gorgeous underwear just for yourself regardless of whether anyone may have a privilege of seeing it on you or not. 

I know I keep saying this in half of my blogs, but trust me on this one. When I changed my relationship with what I wear underneath my clothes, when I go to bed or when I lounge at home and allowed the level of luxury I was craving in this area, I’ve experienced incredible shifts in more than one areas of  my life. Loungewear was the biggest one for me, but for you it may be your nightwear.

What this isn’t about is spending a lot of money because a magazine, a friend or a belief you are not sure about the origins of says you have to wear certain things to be sexy, feminine or whatever other adjective you want to insert.

What this is about is getting to discover what you like, what feels good and beautiful to you and raising your sense of self-value by consciously choosing what you wear closest to your body and allowing yourself to choose what you deserve. 

Night gown from Nui Ami www.nuiami.com

2. Discover what style and clothes make you feel good 

Similarly, allow yourself to discover what style, clothes, accessories make you feel good, reflect who you truly are and bring you joy when you wear them. Don’t settle for anything less. This is a powerful way to practice self-love and self-acceptance.

If you feel a bit stuck, go on a discovery shopping trip (where you don’t buy anything) and simply allow yourself to play and explore. Do a review of your wardrobe and be ruthless about anything that does not feel good, reflect who you are, how you want to express yourself or does not fit, which brings me to the next suggestion…

3. Consciously choose pieces that fit you well

This is another non-negotiable for me. Not only can an improperly fitting item make you feel distracted and self-conscious, but also it can make you look negligent, frumpy and like you don’t really care about yourself. Paying more attention to finding that perfect fit goes much further than improving your image, however. It is also a journey to getting to know and accept your body as it is without hiding it, without ignoring the changes it has perhaps gone through, without avoiding thinking about it and this is even more powerful than anything to do with external image.

4. Dress for the shape and size you are today 

The majority of women I know are not 100% satisfied with how their bodies look, wanting to change at least one thing about themselves. While self-improvement is not a bad thing in itself (depending on your motivation), it can sometimes leave us too focused on where we want to be and not on where we are now.

It can be a radical act of self-love to allow yourself to wear a beautiful well-suited for you outfit before you lose that weight or before you tone that part of your body. Because you already deserve to look and feel your best, in this place you are today, no matter how imperfect it may seem. And it won’t stop you from getting to where you want to be, in fact sometimes it gets you there with more ease.

5. High standards are important but don’t forget about self-compassion

There will be days when your outfit is not perfect, when you forgot to do your laundry and the blouse for that skirt is not available, when nothing feels right. There will be times when you simply don’t have time to focus on what to wear and there will be times when you don’t know what feels good, what style suits you, what outfits are “you” because you are going through a big transition in your life or maybe your body is changing. Showing yourself love at times like these is essential. Sometimes love begins with self-compassion. Everything else can wait.

Over To You.

Did this blog give you any new ideas on how to up your self-love practice? What role does your style currently play in your life: do you utilise it to love and accept yourself more or is it a way for you to hide your body and who you are?

I would love to hear your thoughts.


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