What happened when I said I was attractive... -

What happened when I said I was attractive…

Do consider yourself attractive?

IMG_4799Attractiveness… a quality we all want to have. Attractiveness is what draws people to us, what initiates connections, what gets people interested.

So why do we then have so much judgment and even fear around attractiveness? I certainly did for many years. Why can’t we admit that it is important for us? Why do we hide from it?

I leave you to contemplate these questions while I share a story with you about attractiveness.

Earlier this week, I said yes to a last-minute opportunity to attend a networking lunch in East London. From the moment I arrived I felt a good vibe. The venue was stylish and the ladies who attended the lunch were very friendly.

I was listening with interest to each woman at the table as they introduced themselves. One young woman, a photographer, told us that she was looking for attractive people to add to her portfolio and was willing to gift a free photo session to an attractive couple who would agree to be featured on her website. This immediately lit up my interest.

I didn’t think twice before deciding I want to participate. I didn’t ask myself if I was attractive enough. I didn’t hesitate. In that moment, I felt attractive. This is still relatively new. The more I feel attractive in my life, the more opportunities in life and in business  I receive, some of them small, but exciting, some pretty big. It’s not about being attractive to the opposite sex or attracting unwanted attention. No, the attractiveness I am talking about could not be further from this. The attractiveness I am talking about makes you feel great about who you are on the inside and outside. Being in this state attracts opportunities, people, gifts into your life.

More about this later, let’s go back to the story.

natalia-shpek-5512-webWhen I heard about the opportunity and decided I wanted to participate, I thought at least half of the women at the table would feel the same way. I was very surprised to hear that most of the women, when asked who they could refer to other participants, only said they had attractive friends who would be a possible fit for the photo session. It seemed that nobody apart from me was interested. Or were some of them simply uncomfortable to say yes, because it implied they were attractive? There was a bit of unease in the air.

The fact that I decided to say yes to the free photo shoot opportunity was not that big a deal for me. It was choosing to voice my desire right there in front of everyone was what felt really big.

A few years ago I probably would not have been able to even receive such an opportunity. A year ago, I would have most likely acknowledged my desire but would have chosen to email the photographer in private. This week, I chose to say that I would participate (i.e. I consider myself attractive) in front of 20 women.

Do you think I am arrogant?

For a few moments before it was my turn to speak I feared that I would be perceived as arrogant. But I knew energetically, there was no arrogance in my intention to share what I shared.

What I did not fear however was that the women would disagree with me in considering myself attractive.

I may have triggered some judgements or disapproval or maybe even admiration from other women. But it is not up to me to control what each woman felt.

The reason I did not fear a possibility of others not seeing me as attractive was not the conviction I am so attractive that nobody could disagree. The reason I did not fear was that I no longer seek for proof externally to justify the way I feel about myself. So in other words, I feel attractive not because others agree or disagree but because that is how I choose to feel.

So what happened when I said I was attractive by voicing my desire to participate in the photo shoot?

I realised what a long way I have come to be able to feel this level of confidence and self-acceptance: from often feeling the opposite of attractive, from wanting to prove my attractiveness, from seeking confirmation of how I felt about myself in opinions of others. I felt incredible sense of gratitude. And I received an opportunity to be photographed with my lovely partner. Who doesn’t like to have beautiful professional photographs?

Would you like to feel attractive without fear or judgement?

I have three secrets to share with you that will help you to embrace your attractiveness.

1. Attractiveness is subjective.

What is attractive to me may not be attractive to you. So it is pointless to look for confirmation of your own attractiveness in others because you may not have the same taste.

2. Attractiveness is a feeling.

When you feel attractive, you are attractive. Remember, this is an opinion and you are entitled to your own. When you feel attractive, you are guaranteed to feel more confident, playful, be more open, say yes to more opportunities. This makes you attractive to others. So by feeling attractive, you are being attractive.

3. Only you can give yourself permission to be attractive.

Even the most (by modern society’s/media standards) attractive people have insecurities when it comes to their attractiveness to others. When you hand over the decision making about your attractiveness to others, insecurity is inevitable. You can choose to feel beautiful, attractive, elegant today and do what you require to do for yourself to feel that way. Does it mean you will feel attractive 100% of the time? Unlikely. At least I don’t. But it means you have a choice at any given moment.

I would love to hear from you.

Do you feel attractive? Do you think it’s important? What helps you to feel more attractive?

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