How to ask for what you want and receive it

A few weeks ago, I went to Mexico for 10 days, of which I spent 5 participating in a retreat with a group of women I admire and adore. Disconnected from the world in the middle of a tropical paradise, I was working on my business strategy. The experience was beautiful on so many levels: stunning nature, the sounds of sea waves at all times, delicious tastefully presented food, sunshine. I travel a lot to attend events or participate in high level coaching retreats and don’t always take extra time off. This time, I chose to spend a few days before and after the retreat discovering colourful seaside town on the Western coast of Mexico and relaxing on the beach between delicious fish tacos and fresh fruit smoothies.

24 hours after coming back to London, I was packing for Paris to celebrate my birthday with my partner. The fact that our trip was in the middle of the week made it feel more decadent. In Paris I spent 24 hours enjoying favourite experiences – design hotel, shopping, visiting an art gallery and eating exquisite food.

Can it be true? Can I really be living the life I desire?

Only a year ago, I was not able to imagine living like this or having what I want. It all seemed like a far away fantasy. Today, this is my reality: being in beautiful locations, travel, participating in high end coaching programmes and events, being surrounded by people I admire, exploring the world, enjoying my style more than ever. The best part of this reality, however, is what is on the inside. And that is waking up happy every day, feeling fulfilled, inspired, motivated and free.

I am sharing this because I want you to know that having what you want is possible.

Speaking from personal experience, having what you want is not about the state of the economy, luck or what your CV says. I used to let those dictate what I had in life, feeling like a victim of my circumstances for a long time, stuck in a job I was not fulfilled, stressed, trying to fit in with what everyone else wants or expects. On the outside, I was successful, a jet setter with an “interesting” career. My life ticked a lot of boxes. The problem was these ticked boxed was not what I wanted. And an even bigger problem was I did not know what I wanted.  “I don’t know” was the phrase I used every day. Today, I decided to remove it from my vocabulary, because I do know. And the freedom that comes from this knowledge is invaluable.

Here is how you can have what you want.

1. Having what you want begins with knowing what you want.

For me this is the most important step and the one where many of us fail to gain clarity. Now that I am used to asking myself what I want every day, every week, every month, it really surprises me how few people do the same, instead, living in an “autopilot mode”, just like I used to, or even pursuing something they don’t truly want.

You cannot afford to miss this important step, even if it may take some time. And from my experience, it can take time, especially if you are not in the habit of connecting to your desires.

Once you have the clarity about what you truly want, your life will never be the same again. It will give you motivation to take action, inspired action. It will serve as your road map in life. You will no longer feel stuck.

Of course, what you want changes with time, and that’s ok. This is why this process is constant, not a one off. Once you get into the habit, it will become much easier and quicker.

Suggested action: Take a beautiful sheet of paper or a journal and go to a place that inspires you. Ask yourself where you would love to be in 3 months’ time, in 1 years’ time, in 5 years’ time. Don’t censor yourself. Let your vision take you on a journey. Re-read it, or look at it if you used images. What action are you inspired to take now?

2. Next, learn to ask for what it is you want.

In life, we can’t do it all alone, nor do we need to (this was the biggest realisation for me). Asking for what you want is the key to having what you want. It may be simple, but it is not always easy. Think about it: when was the last time you asked for something you wanted? I mean asked proactively, without waiting for someone else to ask you if you wanted something, asked without hesitation or feeling selfish or rude?

Why is something so simple so difficult to do?

Because to ask for what you want you need to feel worthy of it, you need to have a deep knowledge that this is what you deserve. And this is when the issues typically lie. In particular for women,  from my experience and from speaking to many other women, it is very difficult to verbalise what we want and to ask for it confidently. There are many studies, which I am sure you are aware of, that tell us women are a lot less confident when it comes to asking for a pay rise, for example, or even negotiating a better salary.

In my opinion, this is not about assertiveness and external confidence, it is about self-worth. Having and asking for what you want is directly related to your self-worth and how much you value yourself.

Suggested action: Practice asking for what you want in different situations, at work, at home, from strangers, from Universe even. Note for yourself where it is easy and where you cannot bring yourself to do it. This will give you some clues as to where you may be blocking your self-worth.

3. Then, be open to receiving what you want.

Now that you are clear on what you want, took inspired action and asked for what you want, the temptation may be to take even more action to get what you want. In my experience, usually this is not the most effective next step. Instead, you need to open up to receiving. This is the one step most of us forget about because it requires no action. Receiving requires us to connect with what many people call our feminine energy or yin energy as they refer to it in the East. It is not very highly valued in the modern world, because it is typically seen as “passive”. It may be still but it is powerful.

Mastering receiving without actively doing anything for me has been one of the most difficult lessons. Receiving requires trust in yourself, in others, in the Universe. Receiving is believing that what you deserve what have asked for. Receiving what you desire is not the same as accepting what you are given. I did the latter for many years, yet it is the former which made the biggest difference. My life changed when I learned to receive support on a level I could not have imagined previously: from loved ones, partner, coaches, friends.

Suggested action: Next time someone gives you a compliment, buys you a coffee or lunch or gives you gift, practice receiving openly with gratitude and nothing else, no objections, no thinking of what you are going to buy or do for the giver. Just receive. You can start with small things and build your receiving muscle.

I would love to hear from you.

Do you feel you are living your desired life? Do you know what you want? What has your experience been so far with asking for and receiving what you want?

Please share your thoughts and play ideas in the comment area below.

Are you ready to get unstuck by getting clear on what you want in life? Then I invite you to book a complimentary 30 minute lifestyle enhancement session with me here. This unique coaching session is designed in a way that will assist you in feeling clarity about your desires in your life and career and being ready to take action towards them. I only offer a limited amount of these sessions per month. Book yours now by clicking here.